Armbone's Guide to Life, Parenting, and Living as a Functioning Dengenerate

I thought my birthing class days were over a couple weeks ago, when I blogged about the man tits, penis pumps, and what not. Apparently I had forgotten about a three hour course we signed up for the same time we signed up for the birthing class. Well that class was tonight. It was called "Caring For Your Newborn", and it's a class that touched on all the real important shit that you didn't learn in the birthing class. For example: changing diapers, how to swaddle a baby, how to save a choking baby, and breast feeding. It was a little toned down when compared to the birthing classes, but I did manage to learn a few tidbits of information that I think all you armboners might be find interesting. First the teacher told us all the in's and out's of breast feeding. The baby drops out the vag automatically knowing that it needs to find the tit and suck, in order to survive. Just like a dog, or a cat would. Amazing how nature w...

There's regulars that stick in the memory of Armbone Stallone, and then there's people that think they're important enough to be consider regulars. People need to understand that the rib palace is located in one of the busiest places in the world, and we see thousands of people a week. If you want to be remembered, you have to have certain attributes. You either have to be a good tipper, a total dickhead, surrounded by hot women, or you have to be a fucking nutjob like the Fry-Nubs. You can't just be an everyday Joe Shmo and expect us to remember you. We got one older couple that comes in every week. I'd say they classify as weirdos. The man looks like Charlie Manson, has fake teeth, and reeks like cigarettes. Imagine the most average looking, heavy set, trailer park queen ever, and that's the wife. They order the same thing every time. They order two hot dogs, with chili, cheddar cheese, sauerkraut, onions, and bacon. The wife drinks ...