Welcome to the world of Armbone

Welcome all! This is officially the spot to read stories of hilarity and vulgarity that are involved in the everyday life of a server in the restaurant industry. Some of the shit you'll read will cross some lines, so if you're easily offended by swearing, sex, race, or retard jokes then stop reading now.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Father of the Year Moment

The other day I got my 2 year old, Armbone Jr aka AJ, standing in the bathroom sink so I can wash his feet. I got my left arm around his waist, the water running, and I’m washing his feet with the right. What I didn’t realize is that the wife has one of them plug-in air-fresheners in the outlet just to the left of the sink. (It’s one of those Yankee Candle shits that you turn on and it heats up the wax in the cup at the top, and the smell good gets released) So there I am being a good dad and cleaning the fuck-ton of sand from between his toes….. By the way, how these kids get so much fucking sand in their shoes is beyond me. It’s like the daycare ladies dip the kid’s feet in honey and let them run wild in the damn sandbox. Then they throw the socks back on, just to shove it up the parent’s asses. Just a little sweet revenge for having to wipe our kid’s snotty noses, change their shitty diapers, and put up with their little toddler attitudes. I can imagine them sitting home, sippin...
Read more

A Quick Feel Good Story

I'd like to give you a quick story about a young soldier, that will give you an idea of what the fuck we're dealing with in the modern day army. A couple years ago, I was over in Kuwait on my second deployment. It was a pretty tit deployment, no danger, just pretty much everyday work as if you were in the usa. Except it gets really hot and you can never leave the base. While on base, soldiers move around in humvees and other military vehicles, but they also drive vans, pickup trucks, and John Deere Gators. Well one day, one of our young specialists backed a 15 passenger van into a Gator. For those who don't know what a Gator is, it's pretty much a beefed up 4x4 golf cart. Anyway, she backs the van into the Gator. Later on that day I had to go see this young soldier to get an accident report from her. This is pretty much exactly how the conversation went. "Spc. I need you to tell me exactly what happened?" Armbone. "I already told SFC Ru Paul." Sp...
Read more

Karma Sutra, Squirt Bottles, and Taint

Birthing class numero tres was tonight. It was another interesting class, containing a couple moments of severe hilarity. The class laughed hard and the teacher informed me that she's never had so many inappropriate comments in any of her prior classes. Don't worry though, she said it in a good way. First thing that we went over tonight, were the different positions the woman can be in while pushing. The beginning was a pretty boring part of class for the man. We pretty much just sat there, while the women sat holding their knees, with their chins down to their chest, practicing pushing for ten seconds on and off. While this was going on, my mind had time to wander. So I was looking at the chart of different "pushing positions", and I couldn't help but notice that they all strangely resembled sex positions. Call me a pervert, but I bet I wasn't the only guy in the class that was thinking this shit. So here they are....
Read more