Welcome to the world of Armbone

Welcome all! This is officially the spot to read stories of hilarity and vulgarity that are involved in the everyday life of a server in the restaurant industry. Some of the shit you'll read will cross some lines, so if you're easily offended by swearing, sex, race, or retard jokes then stop reading now.

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KIDS vs AIDS

Good evening ladies and gentlemen! My name is Armbone Stallone, and I'm back from the dead with the same old fucked thoughts and stories I've always had. Shit's been real fucking busy the last few years for ole Armbone, so I apologize for the sabbatical. The main reason for the layoff... no it wasn't AIDS, it's motherfucking kids! And although I don't have AIDS, I do have KIDS. And I can't help but notice all the damn similarities between dealing with these two completely different life situations. Relax fuckers! Hear me out before you get all, " (cunty voice) you shouldn't joke like that you're gonna offend people!" on me. Trust me, the KIDS aren't gonna be offended. And neither will the AIDSY fucks. Example 1: COST OF LIVING Having kids is so fucking god damn expensive. They say it's about $1 million a kid by the time the little asshole is 18 and you're able to send them on their way. Lets be honest, it's more like 21...
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Brainwashed by Jersey Shore at School from Hell

As I sit here in my room, down in the seventh circle of hell, I find myself thinking, it's been a long time since I've shared some knowledge with all my loyal Armboners. So I figured what better time then now. I'm currently in Ft. Eustis Virginia at school, trying to better myself in the ways of JOMS. For those who aren't familiar with JOMS, I'll quickly explain. JOMS is an acronym made up by myself and partner in crime LD. As you know, everything in the Army gets an acronym because apparently us soldiers are just too fucking lazy to actually sound out entire English words. Anyway, anytime our unit needs anything large or heavy moved, they automatically call Armbone and LD. The two J erk- O ffs to M ove the S hit. JOMS= Jerk-Off Move Shit. Picking up what I'm putting down? Good, back to the reason I'm here. I'm being trained to be a transportation manager, so I can be the guy in charge of organizing the movement of anything that needs to be moved from on...
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The Fry Nubs

There's this middle aged couple that come into the restaurant that are known as "The Fry Nubs". They're this weirdo pair that have the same routine everytime they come in. They always sit in a booth and the woman does all the ordering. First she orders two sweet teas. I go get the sweet teas and put one down in front of each of them. Then like fucking clockwork, the lady slides her tea over to the man, and orders a coke for herself. -(I tried to out smart them one time, and when she ordered the two teas, I was a step ahead and also brought the coke. Well when I put the teas in front of the man and the coke in front of her, she looked at me like I had two heads. Then with a pissed off look on her face, she slid the coke to her husband and ordered another coke! Cuckoo, cuckoo! Needless to say, I never tried that shit again.)- Once they get the beverage situation settled in, they order a large fry with cheddar cheese on the side and an extra plate. Here's where it re...
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