Armbone's Guide to Life, Parenting, and Living as a Functioning Dengenerate

I'd like to give you a quick story about a young soldier, that will give you an idea of what the fuck we're dealing with in the modern day army. A couple years ago, I was over in Kuwait on my second deployment. It was a pretty tit deployment, no danger, just pretty much everyday work as if you were in the usa. Except it gets really hot and you can never leave the base. While on base, soldiers move around in humvees and other military vehicles, but they also drive vans, pickup trucks, and John Deere Gators. Well one day, one of our young specialists backed a 15 passenger van into a Gator. For those who don't know what a Gator is, it's pretty much a beefed up 4x4 golf cart. Anyway, she backs the van into the Gator. Later on that day I had to go see this young soldier to get an accident report from her. This is pretty much exactly how the conversation went. "Spc. I need you to tell me exactly what happened?" Armbone. "I already told SFC Ru Paul." Sp

As I sit here in my room, down in the seventh circle of hell, I find myself thinking, it's been a long time since I've shared some knowledge with all my loyal Armboners. So I figured what better time then now. I'm currently in Ft. Eustis Virginia at school, trying to better myself in the ways of JOMS. For those who aren't familiar with JOMS, I'll quickly explain. JOMS is an acronym made up by myself and partner in crime LD. As you know, everything in the Army gets an acronym because apparently us soldiers are just too fucking lazy to actually sound out entire English words. Anyway, anytime our unit needs anything large or heavy moved, they automatically call Armbone and LD. The two J erk- O ffs to M ove the S hit. JOMS= Jerk-Off Move Shit. Picking up what I'm putting down? Good, back to the reason I'm here. I'm being trained to be a transportation manager, so I can be the guy in charge of organizing the movement of anything that needs to be moved from on