Brainwashed by Jersey Shore at School from Hell
As I sit here in my room, down in the seventh circle of hell, I find myself thinking, it's been a long time since I've shared some knowledge with all my loyal Armboners. So I figured what better time then now. I'm currently in Ft. Eustis Virginia at school, trying to better myself in the ways of JOMS. For those who aren't familiar with JOMS, I'll quickly explain. JOMS is an acronym made up by myself and partner in crime LD. As you know, everything in the Army gets an acronym because apparently us soldiers are just too fucking lazy to actually sound out entire English words. Anyway, anytime our unit needs anything large or heavy moved, they automatically call Armbone and LD. The two Jerk-Offs to Move the Shit. JOMS= Jerk-Off Move Shit. Picking up what I'm putting down? Good, back to the reason I'm here. I'm being trained to be a transportation manager, so I can be the guy in charge of organizing the movement of anything that needs to be moved from one place to another. Once I graduate, I will officially have the title of transportation manager, that way I will be the guy telling a bunch of other jerk-offs to move the shit. That's right bitches, I'm taking this JOMS shit to the next level. I tired of be fucked with.
I'll tell you what, I'm 5 days into this piece of shit school and I can positively tell you nothing good has happened yet. It started with the drive down. Ten hours of driving. Just me, myself, and a million fucking dipshits that don't know how to drive, bombing down I-95. I learned a few thing during this drive. Simon and Garfunkel's first hit was "Sounds of Silence" (Hello Darkness, my old friend...), you know the song that's playing when Frank the Tank falls in the pool in Old School. And their final hit was "If U Be My Bodyguard", more useless information that will forever be struck in my head. Next thing I noticed, is that Jersey Shore is sort of brainwashing me/taking over the world. I say this because as I drove down the Jersey Turnpike, I found myself thinking about Dena from the show. If you've never watched it, flip it on one night. She'll be the short one (that's not Snooki) who looks like 150 lbs of mashed shit stuffed in a really tacky looking 5 lbs bag. She dresses stupid, talks like a retard, and sweats a lot. She has a dance move she does where she bends over, grabs her ankles, and grinds her ass into any random blowout sporting douche bag she can find. It's called The Jersey Turnpike. While driving down the actual TP, I figured out why she calls it that. That highway, much like her ass, is chock full of belligerent douche bags, constantly trying to bang into each other and it smells like absolute shit. (quick sidenote-I found myself screaming out my window at them, waving a fist, like I want to punch them in the face. These fuckers just tricked me into fist pumping. See, brain washing.) Now I'm not saying I know what Dena smells like, last I knew they haven't invented smellevision, but I'd be willing to bet that her undercarriage smells like that of a summertime dumpster fire. Much like the beautiful aroma you enjoy when breathing in the Jersey air. Then I heard on the radio that 50 Cent has signed Pauly D to G-Unit records. Are you fucking kidding! What happened to 50? He used to rip shit, now he's bff's with Floyd Mayweather and fist pumping with a spray tanned fucktard who calms to be from Jersey. Armbone's getting upset!
This is getting pretty long, so I cut it off for now. Maybe tomorrow I'll talk about the shitty food they've serving us, and eating alone like Steven fucking Glansberg. Good night boners, it's good to be back.
P.S. Sorry about all the F-bombs mom, it's been while since I've vented.
I'll tell you what, I'm 5 days into this piece of shit school and I can positively tell you nothing good has happened yet. It started with the drive down. Ten hours of driving. Just me, myself, and a million fucking dipshits that don't know how to drive, bombing down I-95. I learned a few thing during this drive. Simon and Garfunkel's first hit was "Sounds of Silence" (Hello Darkness, my old friend...), you know the song that's playing when Frank the Tank falls in the pool in Old School. And their final hit was "If U Be My Bodyguard", more useless information that will forever be struck in my head. Next thing I noticed, is that Jersey Shore is sort of brainwashing me/taking over the world. I say this because as I drove down the Jersey Turnpike, I found myself thinking about Dena from the show. If you've never watched it, flip it on one night. She'll be the short one (that's not Snooki) who looks like 150 lbs of mashed shit stuffed in a really tacky looking 5 lbs bag. She dresses stupid, talks like a retard, and sweats a lot. She has a dance move she does where she bends over, grabs her ankles, and grinds her ass into any random blowout sporting douche bag she can find. It's called The Jersey Turnpike. While driving down the actual TP, I figured out why she calls it that. That highway, much like her ass, is chock full of belligerent douche bags, constantly trying to bang into each other and it smells like absolute shit. (quick sidenote-I found myself screaming out my window at them, waving a fist, like I want to punch them in the face. These fuckers just tricked me into fist pumping. See, brain washing.) Now I'm not saying I know what Dena smells like, last I knew they haven't invented smellevision, but I'd be willing to bet that her undercarriage smells like that of a summertime dumpster fire. Much like the beautiful aroma you enjoy when breathing in the Jersey air. Then I heard on the radio that 50 Cent has signed Pauly D to G-Unit records. Are you fucking kidding! What happened to 50? He used to rip shit, now he's bff's with Floyd Mayweather and fist pumping with a spray tanned fucktard who calms to be from Jersey. Armbone's getting upset!
This is getting pretty long, so I cut it off for now. Maybe tomorrow I'll talk about the shitty food they've serving us, and eating alone like Steven fucking Glansberg. Good night boners, it's good to be back.
P.S. Sorry about all the F-bombs mom, it's been while since I've vented.
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