KIDS vs AIDS
Good evening ladies and gentlemen! My name is Armbone Stallone, and I'm back from the dead with the same old fucked thoughts and stories I've always had. Shit's been real fucking busy the last few years for ole Armbone, so I apologize for the sabbatical. The main reason for the layoff... no it wasn't AIDS, it's motherfucking kids! And although I don't have AIDS, I do have KIDS. And I can't help but notice all the damn similarities between dealing with these two completely different life situations.
Relax fuckers! Hear me out before you get all, "(cunty voice) you shouldn't joke like that you're gonna offend people!" on me. Trust me, the KIDS aren't gonna be offended. And neither will the AIDSY fucks.
Example 1: COST OF LIVING
Having kids is so fucking god damn expensive. They say it's about $1 million a kid by the time the little asshole is 18 and you're able to send them on their way. Lets be honest, it's more like 21 or 22 years old nowadays. Every single mothafuckin day it's something! Clothes, food, bathing, camps, bikes, toys, sports, bail, lawyers, etc... So much fucking money to keep these fuckers alive and mold them into functioning/contributing adults.
Speaking of keeping fuckers alive... you think treatment for these Eazy-E's is cheap?! Nah homie. Monthly bills range between $2,000 and $5,000 depending the meds. The lifetime cost is a half million dollars by the time they reach their expiration date.
If you're paying attention students, that's HALF of what it will cost you to raise just one of your little shitheads! Let that sink in.
Example 2: YOU CAN'T DO COOL SHIT
"Hey Armbone, I got an extra ticket to see the Sox smash the assholes outta those cahksuckin Yanks on Sunday. You in?"
"NO bitch! I gots kids!"
"Yo Armbone, wanna go out and rawdog some randos?"
"NO bitch! I gots AIDS!"
"Hey Armbone, after golf tonight a bunch of us are gonna hit the titty bar for happy hour. You in?"
"NO bitch! I gots kids!"
"Yo Armbone, wanna share a needle?"
"NO bitch! I don't do drugs! Plus I gots AIDS!"
You get my point.
Example 3: PREVENTION
I don't really have to go too deep into this. Both can be prevented by abstinence and condoms. Two things everyone hates, but lets be honest, using them can keep you financially set for life. That is if you are a job having, contributing member of the human population.
Example 4: ACCELERATED AGEING
KIDS > My fucking sweet baby Jesus! In the last 7 years of my life, I've aged decades! Sleep deprivation. Weight gain. Surgeries. Constant fatigue. Short fuse. So many less fucks to give.
AIDS > Let's be honest, Ryan White didn't look a day younger than 35 when he passed. He was 18! Weight loss. Surgeries. Constant fatigue. Zero fucks to give.
In conclusion, having kids and having AIDS is all that different. They're both extremely challenging. They both suck the fucking life out of you. They both drain your bank account. Mostly likely, in both situations you're hitting the bottle hard. Really, the only difference between the two is the want. All the time you here people talk about wanting to have kids. Can't remember a time I heard anyone say, "I can't wait to have AIDS".
Good night Armboners! I'm sorry if I offended anyone with this post. Seriously though you have to understand that I'm a fucking lunatic and if you're easily offended, this will not be the blog for you. See you soon cawksuckas!
Relax fuckers! Hear me out before you get all, "(cunty voice) you shouldn't joke like that you're gonna offend people!" on me. Trust me, the KIDS aren't gonna be offended. And neither will the AIDSY fucks.
Example 1: COST OF LIVING
Having kids is so fucking god damn expensive. They say it's about $1 million a kid by the time the little asshole is 18 and you're able to send them on their way. Lets be honest, it's more like 21 or 22 years old nowadays. Every single mothafuckin day it's something! Clothes, food, bathing, camps, bikes, toys, sports, bail, lawyers, etc... So much fucking money to keep these fuckers alive and mold them into functioning/contributing adults.
Speaking of keeping fuckers alive... you think treatment for these Eazy-E's is cheap?! Nah homie. Monthly bills range between $2,000 and $5,000 depending the meds. The lifetime cost is a half million dollars by the time they reach their expiration date.
If you're paying attention students, that's HALF of what it will cost you to raise just one of your little shitheads! Let that sink in.
Example 2: YOU CAN'T DO COOL SHIT
"Hey Armbone, I got an extra ticket to see the Sox smash the assholes outta those cahksuckin Yanks on Sunday. You in?"
"NO bitch! I gots kids!"
"Yo Armbone, wanna go out and rawdog some randos?"
"NO bitch! I gots AIDS!"
"Hey Armbone, after golf tonight a bunch of us are gonna hit the titty bar for happy hour. You in?"
"NO bitch! I gots kids!"
"Yo Armbone, wanna share a needle?"
"NO bitch! I don't do drugs! Plus I gots AIDS!"
You get my point.
Example 3: PREVENTION
I don't really have to go too deep into this. Both can be prevented by abstinence and condoms. Two things everyone hates, but lets be honest, using them can keep you financially set for life. That is if you are a job having, contributing member of the human population.
Example 4: ACCELERATED AGEING
KIDS > My fucking sweet baby Jesus! In the last 7 years of my life, I've aged decades! Sleep deprivation. Weight gain. Surgeries. Constant fatigue. Short fuse. So many less fucks to give.
AIDS > Let's be honest, Ryan White didn't look a day younger than 35 when he passed. He was 18! Weight loss. Surgeries. Constant fatigue. Zero fucks to give.
In conclusion, having kids and having AIDS is all that different. They're both extremely challenging. They both suck the fucking life out of you. They both drain your bank account. Mostly likely, in both situations you're hitting the bottle hard. Really, the only difference between the two is the want. All the time you here people talk about wanting to have kids. Can't remember a time I heard anyone say, "I can't wait to have AIDS".
Good night Armboners! I'm sorry if I offended anyone with this post. Seriously though you have to understand that I'm a fucking lunatic and if you're easily offended, this will not be the blog for you. See you soon cawksuckas!
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