Asian Accents
There's been multiple times in my rib slinging career where I've had interesting encounters with some wacky asians. Working where I do, there's always an asian show, a chinese circus, or some kind of shitshow going on. I'm serious, Charlie's everywhere. Sometimes when I'm walking in, I get a strange feeling that at any second there's gonna be a turf war between two asian gangs wielding nunchucks and tossing ninja stars. One of my favorite movies as a kid was "Big Trouble in Little China", so pretty much I hope for something like that to happen on a daily basis. Anyways, long story short, there's a shit ton of little oriental bastards running around in there at all times. And because of that there's always a story. Tonight I'll share one gem.
When you're approaching a table of asian people you need to figure out which one of them speaks the best english, if any of them do, and focus all conversations with that one. It's usually a chick and she's usually the youngest. Well this particular time I walked up to the table and they were all in deep conversation with eachother. There wasn't a single word that even resembled english coming from anyone of them. So, the first thought in my head was "Great, this should be fucking fun!" but I greeted them like any other table.
"How we doing tonight folks?" I asked, expecting blank stares like I'd usually get. What? Wait a second. Can it be? I must be hearing things. The youngest of the crab rangoons turns to me, and in perfect english said, "We're doing great, how are you?" I swear to god it surprised the shit out of me for a second, then joy flooded my body. At that moment I realized I wasn't gonna have to deal with any bullshit taking the order and everything should go smoothly. And everything did. She ordered a meal for each one of them, and ordered 4 Coors Lights in 20oz glasses. Normally they share one meal, drink one owen juice, and the rest drink waters. So this was an astonishing moment in asian ordering history. Throughout the meal everything went normal. Each time I'd check in to see if they needed anything, they'd stop their 100% asian conversation, and the girl would let me know everything was great in perfect english. It wasn't until I dropped off their check that shit turned fucked up.
"Here's a some hand towels for everyone. And can I wrap up the glasses for you?" I said to the bilingual one.
"What do you mean, wrap up the glasses?" she said back.
"If you order the 20oz beer, you can take home the glass as a souvenir" I explained to her.
And I swear to god I'm not making this up, she turned to everyone at the table and in the most stereotypical asian accent she yells out "OOOOOOH, WE GET TO KEEPA DA GRASS!" Like she hit a fucking switch and turned that shit on. Are you shitting me! They understand english? Or do they only understand english if you throw in an asian accent. Maybe the way I should've greeted the table was "OOOH, HERRO! CAN I TAKEA YA ORDA?"
I was blown away. The whole time they were at the table, not a single one of them spoke a word of english to eachother and this chick drops this racial epithet. It was like a scene out of a Jerry Lewis movie. It was fucking hysterical. I had to turn away for a second to laugh to myself. Crazy dinks.
When you're approaching a table of asian people you need to figure out which one of them speaks the best english, if any of them do, and focus all conversations with that one. It's usually a chick and she's usually the youngest. Well this particular time I walked up to the table and they were all in deep conversation with eachother. There wasn't a single word that even resembled english coming from anyone of them. So, the first thought in my head was "Great, this should be fucking fun!" but I greeted them like any other table.
"How we doing tonight folks?" I asked, expecting blank stares like I'd usually get. What? Wait a second. Can it be? I must be hearing things. The youngest of the crab rangoons turns to me, and in perfect english said, "We're doing great, how are you?" I swear to god it surprised the shit out of me for a second, then joy flooded my body. At that moment I realized I wasn't gonna have to deal with any bullshit taking the order and everything should go smoothly. And everything did. She ordered a meal for each one of them, and ordered 4 Coors Lights in 20oz glasses. Normally they share one meal, drink one owen juice, and the rest drink waters. So this was an astonishing moment in asian ordering history. Throughout the meal everything went normal. Each time I'd check in to see if they needed anything, they'd stop their 100% asian conversation, and the girl would let me know everything was great in perfect english. It wasn't until I dropped off their check that shit turned fucked up.
"Here's a some hand towels for everyone. And can I wrap up the glasses for you?" I said to the bilingual one.
"What do you mean, wrap up the glasses?" she said back.
"If you order the 20oz beer, you can take home the glass as a souvenir" I explained to her.
And I swear to god I'm not making this up, she turned to everyone at the table and in the most stereotypical asian accent she yells out "OOOOOOH, WE GET TO KEEPA DA GRASS!" Like she hit a fucking switch and turned that shit on. Are you shitting me! They understand english? Or do they only understand english if you throw in an asian accent. Maybe the way I should've greeted the table was "OOOH, HERRO! CAN I TAKEA YA ORDA?"
I was blown away. The whole time they were at the table, not a single one of them spoke a word of english to eachother and this chick drops this racial epithet. It was like a scene out of a Jerry Lewis movie. It was fucking hysterical. I had to turn away for a second to laugh to myself. Crazy dinks.
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