My man "Legs"

If you had a guy with no arms come into your restaurant, how would you approach the situation? I handled it like this. This is kind of an older story, but it will give you a good idea about how my mind works. So, this guy comes into the restaurant. Decent looking mid thirties guy. Two perfectly strong, working legs. But the dude was missing both his arms. (Tell me that doesn't sound like the start of a great joke, "A guy with no arms walks into a bar.....") Anyways I greeted the guy the same way I would any table, and I asked  him how he was doing and if I could get him something to drink. He orders and I fetch Legs' beverage. Back then our restaurant didn't have menus, just placemats that stayed on the tables at all times. So when I brought this dude's drink to him, I put it down just about an arm's length away, but still on the placemat. I went over to the bar and just starred with curiosity. The girl I was working with comes over and says,
"What are you starring at?"
"Look, the dude's got no arms." I replied.
"So?" she said.
"How you think he's gonna get his drink?"
Then she says, "Oh my god, what the fuck is wrong with you?"
Just at that moment, the guy slams his head down onto the placemat, and performing a nodding motion, he slid the entire placemat towards him until it was close enough to lean forward and reach the straw with his mouth. Success!

Now, would we have ever known how crafty Legs was if I just put the drink close enough for him to lean forward and sip. NO! We wouldn't. Personally I think it would've been insulting if I treated him any different then someone with two working arms. And to top it all off, when he got his food, he kicked off a shoe, kicked his right leg up over his shoulder, picked up the fork with his toes, and dug in. Unbelieveable! When I brought his bill I had one last test for him. We give all our customers wet wipes for their hands. So, I give him a couple to see if he'd clean his toes. Well, he didn't. Not gonna lie, I was a little disappointed.

 It's amazing how I see things so much different through my eyes, then seeing them the way others do. Maybe I'm fucked up. Maybe I'm as some people tell me "not right". Or maybe, just maybe I'm destined for greatness. I don't know. Either way, fuck it. It's baffling to me how some people can let certain shit bother them to the point of possible heart attack or stroke at a perfectly young healthy age. (You know who I'm talking about) Nothing's that serious people. Night night armboners.