Welcome to the world of Armbone

Welcome all! This is officially the spot to read stories of hilarity and vulgarity that are involved in the everyday life of a server in the restaurant industry. Some of the shit you'll read will cross some lines, so if you're easily offended by swearing, sex, race, or retard jokes then stop reading now.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Protection from what? Zee Germans?

I've been pretty much all over the world in my life. I've seen many beautiful places. I've gotten completely shit-faced in at least a dozen countries. And along the way, as you probably could imagine, I managed to rack up a whole shitload of fucked up, yet classic stories. I figured tonight I would sure one with you. I spent 16 days in Germany with my wife a few years ago. We were taking leave from a deployment we were on with the Army national guard. If you've never been to Germany, I would strongly urge you to go. It's a full of gorgeous scenery, laid back poeple, speed limit-less highways, and they drink beer with breakfast. Tell me that doesn't sound like the perfect place to live. Well, my wife and I rented a car called an Opel Corsa, which is pretty much the size of a fucking tuna can and gets about 400 miles to the gallon. I'm not gonna lie though, the little shitbox could get up and go. My wife's mother meet us in Germany, and stayed with us fo
Read more

Father of the Year Moment

The other day I got my 2 year old, Armbone Jr aka AJ, standing in the bathroom sink so I can wash his feet. I got my left arm around his waist, the water running, and I’m washing his feet with the right. What I didn’t realize is that the wife has one of them plug-in air-fresheners in the outlet just to the left of the sink. (It’s one of those Yankee Candle shits that you turn on and it heats up the wax in the cup at the top, and the smell good gets released) So there I am being a good dad and cleaning the fuck-ton of sand from between his toes….. By the way, how these kids get so much fucking sand in their shoes is beyond me. It’s like the daycare ladies dip the kid’s feet in honey and let them run wild in the damn sandbox. Then they throw the socks back on, just to shove it up the parent’s asses. Just a little sweet revenge for having to wipe our kid’s snotty noses, change their shitty diapers, and put up with their little toddler attitudes. I can imagine them sitting home, sipping a
Read more

KIDS vs AIDS

Good evening ladies and gentlemen! My name is Armbone Stallone, and I'm back from the dead with the same old fucked thoughts and stories I've always had. Shit's been real fucking busy the last few years for ole Armbone, so I apologize for the sabbatical. The main reason for the layoff... no it wasn't AIDS, it's motherfucking kids! And although I don't have AIDS, I do have KIDS. And I can't help but notice all the damn similarities between dealing with these two completely different life situations. Relax fuckers! Hear me out before you get all, " (cunty voice) you shouldn't joke like that you're gonna offend people!" on me. Trust me, the KIDS aren't gonna be offended. And neither will the AIDSY fucks. Example 1: COST OF LIVING Having kids is so fucking god damn expensive. They say it's about $1 million a kid by the time the little asshole is 18 and you're able to send them on their way. Lets be honest, it's more like 21
Read more